025 Finding Answers The Struggle Continues

by John Bukenas on December 16, 2014

Play

IMG_3046

 

 

 

 

 

Hello and welcome to the Let’s Reverse Obesity Podcast.

My name is John Bukenas and I have been losing and gaining weight for over 30 years.  Just last year I lost over 100 pounds.  And this year, I’ve gained it all back.

I haven’t produced a podcast in 331 days, or 10 months and 27 days, or 47 weeks and 2 days.  You get the picture, it’s been a long time.

So what have I been doing?  Hiding.

Hiding from myself, my friends, my family, hiding from you.

But John, I see you on Facebook and twitter, You are posting all the time.  Was I posting or was I posing?  I was posing.

Why was I hiding?  Because there was questions.  Those questions needed answers.  And I didn’t have any answers.

In Episode 24 of this podcast I talked about lapse and relapse.

I figured if I just talked about it I would correct the problem.  Well that didn’t work.  My issues got worse, my attitude got worse, and my life got worse.

But i was use to this.  I’ve been allowing this life cycle for years.

I just turn inward.  At the time, I thought it was weird to want to be by myself.

Because I am my worst enemy.  When me and myself get together mayhem ensues.  We do everything we shouldn’t do.  We eat the wrong foods in the wrong amounts at the wrong times.

It’s ok, no one is around.  Who’s gonna know?

Well for one thing my clothes knew.  Because as I lost weight I threw all my bigger clothes away.

Anyone with eyes knew I was up to my old tricks because I was getting bigger.

See I live alone and me and myself we were on a tear.  If I couldn’t think of an excuse, myself had one.  Are you you wondering what I was doing while me and myself was creating mayhem?  I was just off in the distance.  He was yelling over.

You know you shouldn’t be doing that.  You are ruining all the work you have already done.  Then after the smoke cleared, when me and myself wore out.  I would come over and Woulda, Coulda, and Shoulda us.  I would really pour it on.  Just look at you.  Go ahead, look at you.  I don’t think I have ever seen such a big pile of worthlessness and weakness.  You are a loser.  You have not one ounce of willpower.

You know all about diet and exercise, you just spent a year losing over a hundred pounds and you’re going to put it all back on.  Just look at you.  You disgust me.

Yea I was a real tool.  Me and myself hated I so we would just continue with the bad habits just for spite.  Hey I, look at this.  Me and myself are going to eat a bag full of Taco Bell and then eat a half gallon of ice cream for dessert.

So I put the weight back on.  And you know what arthritis hates?  Excess weight.  So it was harder to do things.  Not just fun things, but life things like food shopping, cleaning and wash.

But like everything on this journey I needed to do this.  I shouldn’t have done it for this long.  Because it flushed out some issues.

Issue Number 1.  I don’t like myself.

The reason I don’t like myself is I’m horrible to me.  I wouldn’t treat my worse enemy as bad as I treated myself.  It’s true, if others failed, I would console and comfort them, but me?  Oh no, failure was not an option.

So it was like a snowball rolling down a hill.  The problems kept getting bigger and bigger.

Issue Number 2.  I’m not perfect.

There I said it.  I’m not perfect.  I make mistakes.  I have baggage.  I have a steamer trunk of issues from my past that still haunt me.  Most of those issues are self imposed but to me they are real.

So when they finally invent that time machine I can go back and right all the wrongs.  Honestly, I thought Apple would have had the iMe machine out already but they’re too busy making a watch computer that no one can see or work but that’s a topic for another podcast.

So what was I going to do.  I couldn’t come on here and wah wah wah about my problems every week.  This is the Let’s reverse Obesity Podcast.  I’m still doing it!  Good Night everybody!!  That’s entertainment.

I was still researching the “Why” and then I came across The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo.  Right now at the time of this podcast she has produced 34 episodes.  I started at episode one and went through every episode.  Brooke is the one who showed me that I was horrible to myself.  That all the self criticism and perfectionism was so harmful and counterproductive.

That me, myself and I needed to be kind to each other.  To help each other.  To stop the spitefulness and criticism.

I was so excited to find Brooke that I wanted to bring her on as a guest.  But I waited too long to ask and Alen Standish nabbed her first.

I’ve had Alen on my podcast and I was a guest on his podcast.  Alen is a great guy and although I don’t talk to him as much as I would like to I do consider Alen a friend.

So I figured I would listen to the interview and maybe there was some topics left that I could use to my interview but Alen nailed it.  It was a fantastic interview.

The links to the interview and to Alen and Brooke’s podcast are in the show notes at Let’s Reverse Obesity.com/025

So what have I learned on my sabbatical?

  1. I’m not perfect
  2. It’s ok that I’m not perfect
  3. I have been down right nasty to myself
  4. I don’t deserve to be treated that way by anyone.  Especially myself.

What is my plan?

  1. Just to be a little better every day
  2. To be kind to myself.  I deserve it.
  3. To stop my love affair with fast food and highly processed food.
  4. To have humility and ask for help when I need it.

Please join me next week as we continue our battle with the struggle.

LINKS:

Brooke Castillo’s Podcast

Alen Standish Interview with Brooke 

Alen Standish’s Podcast

Legal Disclosure:

Let’s Reverse Obesity.com and the Let’s Reverse Obesity Podcast are meant for informational purposes and do not constitute medical, nutritional, dietary, therapeutic, or any other advice. Any information on this site or in the podcast reflects John’s or his guests views and experiences only. You should always consult with a medical doctor, nurse, or other certified health professional before starting any diet, exercise, or any kind of health plan.

2 comments
AdventureLaurie
AdventureLaurie

Hi John, I hope you do interview Brooke as I think with your point of view you will bring out some unique perspectives. I've lost 100+ pounds as well and gained some back and lost and gained and lost and gained and understand your Me, Myself and I concept all too well. I love your emotional progress and the encouragement your honesty is giving to us. Hang in there. And if you want some cooking tips, give a holler! 

Previous post:

Next post: